This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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