I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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