Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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