what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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