would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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