i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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