my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
