Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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