uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
