I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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