I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
