oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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