We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
