did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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