I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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