Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
