when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
