I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
