He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
