I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
