Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We are two peas in an std pod
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
