I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
