Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
