my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
