And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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