So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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