I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
