I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
