the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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