Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
