ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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