We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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