butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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