we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he laminated a picture of his dick.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
