I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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