coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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