Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
