How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
