Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
