just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
