There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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