Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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