Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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