I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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