when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
how does that bad decision feel?
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