I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
