At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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