Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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