Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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