Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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