I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
